Category Archives: life

anger management

i think you misunderstood when your therapist advised you to write things down, they didn’t mean for you to post it on facebook.

once in a while, i’ll see a very angry facebook status on the lines of:

“btch i hope you fcking die!”
“karma’s a btch you slut!”
“fck you, two-faced motherfckers!”
“if i ever see you again, i’ll fck you up!”

damn, chill the fck out. why are you so angry?
were you not loved as a child?

at least if you’re going to post it all over facebook, why don’t you just disclose the name?
“he/she knows who they are”
well i don’t and i want to know 😦

“i’ll fck them up for you”
i understand your friends will have your back, but publicly posting a potential assault isn’t the right way to go. you’re announcing your strong bond with this angry person, i get it. but we’re not children anymore. assaulting people = jail time. if something were to tragically happen to this person, guess who’s first on the suspect list? you might as well post all your criminal offenses on facebook and get caught like some stupid people. you’re halfway there.

what baffles me the most about this prepubescent behavior is that if this person keeps pissing you off, why won’t you just simply remove that person from your life? if you get a splinter in your finger, wouldn’t you be quick to remove it to stop the pain? is that just too easy of a solution?
oh. no drama makes life dull and boring? oh okay, i think i get it now.

if it’s a different person that keeps pissing you off all the time, then maybe you should take a good look in the mirror? maybe the problem is your attitude? maybe airing your dirty laundry on facebook isn’t going to solve your problems either? they’re just suggestions, please don’t fight me.

when you air your dirty laundry on facebook, it’s not classy, you don’t look tough or important, and your problems won’t disappear, heck, it might make it worse. “calling out” unnamed people on facebook out of all places is just attention seeking behavior. it just shows that you can’t handle your own and maybe it’s time you grow the fck up and just deal with it like an adult. everyone has people who pisses them off at an equivalent level of anger, but you don’t see us posting angry verbal assaults for all our friends to see, do we?

so next time you’re about to press that “post” button, take a deep breath and take a chill pill.
your therapist is only one call away.

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death by internet stoning

i can’t help but to return from hibernation to pen a haterant regarding the fallacy that threats on the internet shouldn’t be taken seriously.

it’s not common for me to read the news and feel irked with the stupidity of people. for instance a 4 year old child killing his father with a gun. i mean, guns are totally safe to be lying around freely in the house especially when an unsupervised child is in the vicinity. totally safe guys. you might as well have uncapped some prescription bottles and scattered the pills on the floor next to that gun.

as i’m skimming through the news articles this morning, i read an essay by brianna wu regarding rape/death threats she’s received because she’s a woman within the tech industry. she’s not the first (zoe quinn, anita sarkeesian) and most likely she’s not the last. rape/death threats over the internet not only relate to women but to anyone with an opinion deviating from someone else’s norms.

the frequent attempts to bring awareness to the bullying of women in a male-dominated industry constitutes a major issue that is being quietly swept under the rug. brianna wu’s situation is one of many instances that suggest if a woman stands up for herself in a male-dominated industry, she will be labeled as an attention whoring feminist with delusions of “male privilege” and the only appropriate course of action is to silence her with fear.

to add insult to injury, some people even went on to suggest that rape and death threats shouldn’t be taken seriously because they’re made over the internet. well i mean, if someone you’ve never met made a video about various methods on how they’re going to kill you while your personal information is being posted all over the internet, it’s completely unreasonable to feel scared. i mean, come on, it’s on the internet so it can’t happen in real life. she’s overreacting. because that’s apparently what women do all the time, we overreact and exaggerate things.

it’s sickening how viral this dangerous misogynistic attitude is becoming. it’s as if there is a fundamental truth that is being violated and there exists a responsibility to prevent such violation by asserting that women can’t be both beautiful and smart. that any contradiction of that truth would mean that she exchanged sexual favors for her success.

why can’t we all just get along? if more time was spent on developing better technology rather than putting a woman down for feeling passionate about her career, maybe i would be able to teleport to work by now.

happy birthday

today is my twenty-sixth birthday.

there were a couple of moments in my life where i seriously didn’t think i would actually live to see twenty six. those moments define who i am today and i’m glad that i was able to learn from them because it made me stronger and more resilient to all that is still left in store for me.

this year, i’ve had more self-reflection than any other years of my life on what type of person i want to be and especially what type of person i’ve become. i realized that i hate a lot and love a little as a result of becoming more observant of my surroundings and the people in it, hence the creation of this blog.

i hate getting older because i swear yesterday i just woke up for work at 8am on a monday in january and today it’s almost the end of the day of the 18th in august. it’s almost as if i fell into a deep coma and just woke up cause i seriously don’t know where the time went.

it’s quite ironic in the way we wished time could speed up when we’re younger so we can do all the things we end up hate doing, like driving a car, making money, and falling in love. as we get older, all we end up wishing is for it to slow down as we realize how fast our parents are getting older, how little time we have in a day to complete what we have to accomplish, how little time we spend with the people and pets that we love, and all the other small things we overlook.

from what my older friends are telling me, it’s not going to get any better and everything is going to start going downhill. like my wrinkle-less face, abundance of energy, and recovery time from binge drinking or exercising. i’m already starting to feel the effects of aging because for once i preferred to have a simple dinner with friends rather than go to the club and party until 10am. i just simply can’t keep up anymore.

i don’t know what to make of turning twenty six because now i’m in that weird age range where i’m not young or old. besides being considered a senior citizen, i no longer have any age restrictions left on what i can and cannot do. this weird age range i’ve just entered is equivalent to the leftover take-out in the fridge where you don’t know if it’s good or bad enough to eat. i just don’t know what to make of it.

anyways, turning twenty-six sucks and turning twenty-seven will be even worse. thankfully, i’m not that old yet, as my family and friends are still alive and not dying off, so i guess it’s not that bad?

thanks to my family, and friends who made me feel loved on this weird and confusing day.
cheers to another year of life. yay.

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suicide perspective

the tragic loss of Robin Williams and other tragedies reveals not only the haunting shadows of drug abuse and depression, but also sheds light to the unknown internal battles people fight on a daily basis. as with all battles, some tragically lose their lives and remain defeated on the battlefield.

with every suicide story i always wonder how someone could commit such an egocentric and impulsive action. how can they be completely oblivious and apathetic to the impact of the consequences of their actions upon on all the people they’ve met and influenced throughout their life?

as a child, i tremendously feared death, especially the death of my family. i was so afraid of it that every time my parents would drive by a cemetery, i would close my eyes and wait until we passed by. i would have random days where i would lay on my twin sized bed and begin crying into my pillow at the age of 6 and thought to myself:

“if they die, how can anyone replace them?”
“if i miss them, how can i ever see them?”
“if i want to hold their hand, how can i touch them?”
“if i want to hear their voice, how can i hear them?”

as i got older, i no longer feared death because i learned that it wasn’t death that i was afraid of, it was the grief that subsequently followed. partly, i may have embraced it merely because i accepted it as being part of the cycle of life. despite the acceptance of it, i still harbor a passionate hate for it, as it can take away the life of any one person at any given time without any preparation or warning.

there will be many times in life where you’ll feel as if everything you’ve lived for is falling apart into shambles, leaving you despondent and angry at yourself or the world. as humans, we tend to forget that these moments are temporary trials that will pass at an unforeseen time. unfortunately, if we don’t quickly dig ourselves out of this pit, we will eventually convince ourselves that happiness is a myth and end up another tragedy.

i do not believe that a majority of victims who fall victim to suicide specifically plan when they decide to die. they’re exhausted from fighting the demons of depression and/or drug withdrawal conjoined with the unpredictable highs and lows of varying degrees of all types of emotions, leaving them without any energy to devise such plan. they eventually convince themselves that they are no longer “normal”, depleting a sense of belonging to others around them.

i also believe that when someone is suicidal, they do not schedule in their calendar to die next Wednesday because in actuality they feel as if they want to die every day. only when the unfortunate fate of the exceeded threshold of frustration and impulse and an opportune moment of pure isolation finally meet, does such “plan” unfold.

there will always be a stigma on suicide because people fear the unknown and are quick to shun it. especially for those who have never experienced true depression, it may seem to be merely an over exaggerated fabrication produced by weak souls seeking the attention of others. even if that were to be true, i would like to believe that the ability to take a life, regardless of whether it’s one’s own or another’s, is driven by more than just an attention seeking desire.

it’s hard to imagine the fear and loneliness one would face when approaching the peak of desperation. i can only assume that it would feel as if your heart was crawling up your throat along with a feeling of pure hopelessness and loss of all authority. as you climb closer to the peak, a voice manifests into your mind, echoing that the only freedom from this piercing internal torment is death. only then will these constant invasive thoughts and feelings of regret, remorse, and self-hatred will finally be muted.

every day we are faced with different problems, issues, and struggles and protect ourselves using various coping mechanisms. when we are unable to find solutions, we can either cope or surrender to it. in psychology, there are many studies done on conscious and unconscious coping mechanisms that people develop and adjust throughout their lives in order to adapt to certain situations.

one example is the “reaction formation” defence mechanism, in which the person acts opposite to how they truly feel in an exaggerated and obsessive way (Hock, Roger R. “Reading 30: You’re Getting Defensive Again!” Forty Studies That Changed Psychology. 7th ed. Upper Saddle River: Pearson Education, 2013. 233-38). maybe all the laughter Robin Williams brought to his audiences was an exaggeration of the sadness he had within him and he was simply using a reaction formation defence mechanism to hide how he truly felt. it is as if he finally reached the point where he could no longer pretend to accept such hypocrisy.

Jim Norton wrote in Time.com that “(t)he funniest people I know seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.”  so with this in mind, how many more painted faces of happiness will result in more tragedies?

the ability to find solace within despair, hope during times of hopelessness, truth within a horde of lies, and trust in a future that does not yet exist are the most difficult emotional challenges in life. we often forget that there are people who do not even possess the basic necessities of life, yet they still choose life over death. that there are people diagnosed with diseases who fight night and day just to wake up to live another day because life is precious, beautiful, and worth fighting for.

“Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp’d tow’rs, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.”

– The Tempest, Act IV, Scene I

it is said that we truly realize what death really is at the very moment when it falls within arm’s reach. before that time comes, we are just simply living and continuing our daily activities, not realizing that tomorrow may simply be the last.

rest in peace Robbin Williams and to all those who’s time here on earth have been cut short. i hope that you finally found your peace and know that you will always be missed.

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