Category Archives: dating

welcome to “marriage limbo”

please do not judge my drawing abilities. this was done on ms paint.

“marriage limbo” is what i define as the point in your life when you come of age (25+) where if you’re single, your parents start asking why you’re not dating anyone; if you’re in a relationship, your parents start insisting that you think about marriage; or if luckily your parents haven’t expressed any interest in your love life, no need to fear facebook is here.

you can identify the onset of the “marriage limbo” period when every other day your facebook feed is flooded by:

1. “x and y is engaged/married” followed by a picture of a proposal/ring;

"look at my motherfcking ring btches!"

“look at my motherfcking ring btches!”

2. pictures of and y‘s wedding;

marriage

random picture of the 200th wedded couple.

3. preggo related posts (composed of either an individual or combination of pictures, subtle/not-so-subtle hints, etc.);

preggo

“i’m not fat, i’m just pregnant.”

4. pictures of babies/toddlers/kids;

"look how cute i am in a bear costume."

“look how cute i am, motherfckers.”

5. and/or all of the above

i’m truly happy for all of you, i really am, and i am so eager to find out who’s next in line. but on the other hand, you’ve just triggered the gun to start the race: the race to an abrupt realization of the reality of how fast time flies between the time you graduate college and the time you reach “marriage limbo”.

it’s so fast that it’s almost unfair.

after years of grueling through college courses followed by a few more years crawling over the barbed wires of the entry-level career fence, all of a sudden, within a blink of an eye, you’ll wake up only to realize that tomorrow is your 40th birthday paired with the onset of a crippling fear that you might end up dying alone.

let’s just add that living in nyc isn’t cheap, so it’s pretty much given that a majority of us work long gruesome hours to pay the bills. but somewhere in our busy lives, we’ll have to eventually learn how to make room to become the “early bird that gets the worm” before all the good ones are taken. this societal pressure will force us to begin our quest on finding this person called “husband/wife” to spend the rest of our lives with. as you can infer from my previous posts, the dating world is a motherfcking war zone. it’s all one fcked up game and “marriage limbo” is that one level you’re stuck on.

like a majority of my girlfriends, some people try to gamble away their odds by waiting for someone better. in the female perspective, some believe that they can do better, that they deserve better, and that this guy is just not up to par. in the male perspective, some try to gamble away their odds for some girl 15-20 years their junior because they fail to comprehend a healthy work/life balance. unfortunately this will lead them to settle down with a leeching golddigger, and/or an emotionally unstable/crazy btch. but hey, they’re nice to look at.

what i tell my girlfriends all the time is that this whole “i can do better” concept is equivalent to buying a popular video game. you failed to reserve your spot with your number one pick, you’ve now limited your options to either a used version, or one of those games on the bottom shelf at gamestop with those generic covers with the game title written in black sharpie next to buck the gamestop bunny.

fortunately for me, i’ve just set my foot into “marriage limbo” territory (as you can see from my awesome illustration above), thus i’m not too concerned at this very moment. however, most of my closest girlfriends are older than i am and every time we get to the topic of relationships and marriage they get into this “i’m going to die alone” panic mode or go into major depression. as a good girlfriend should do, i try to diffuse the situation by trying to listen and analyze their problems and process some sort of helpful advice that they never listen to.

in my honest opinion, i think that they’re beautiful, and not in the same way you advertise your not-so-cute friend is cute type of way. they’re successful or have a steady career, dress well, not sinking in surmountable debt, and aren’t having any immigration issues. so, why are they having a hard time getting married? well, from the way i look at it, it always leads to one conclusion: their standards are too damn high.

one of my girlfriend’s stated that her requirements for the perfect husband would be a 6 foot+, good looking, successful, rich, smart, well-dressed, cultured guy who is a master conversationalist with a phone call/text response rate of .001 seconds who lives in a multi-million dollar penthouse in manhattan and has the time to take her to all of the bourgeoisie restaurants all over manhattan. i’ve heard this outstanding requirement many times from many women and every time i hear that sht, i just sit there speechless like they’ve just threw a glass of ice water in my face. i just want to tell you that you’ve been watching way to many korean dramas. here, have some coffee and wake the fck up.

i’m not telling them to lower their self-worth, and by no means i’m not telling them to settle. it’s very important to maintain confidence and place a high value on your self-worth, however there’s a fine line between compromise and being utterly unreasonable.

1. if he’s not “rich” enough
the reality of a modern marriage is that a majority of households nowadays consist of two incomes. the fantasy life we imagined of living as a princess/housewife in a huge mansion is merely just either a rare occurrence or just a delusion created by bravo tv or the sorts. so if he can’t pull his own weight, then pull your own. motivate yourself to become successful and make more money rather than to look for a lottery ticket. there’s nothing less attractive than a lazy btch.

2. if he’s not tall enough
if he meets all the other criteria besides height, then i honestly can’t help you. i’m sure plastic surgery will advance one day to offer height extension, but until then, just throw on some flats. look at it this way, heels are uncomfortable anyways and plus just imagine that you’re a model and likewise he can feel like he’s dating one. double confidence boost, ftw.

3. if he’s too busy
this can go two ways. you want a successful guy who makes a lot of money, no? well, unless you’re dating a lazy heir to some fortune, there is no success without work. find some friends or find a hobby. i’ve dated different types of men and in my opinion, a lazy guy who’s around all the time isn’t attractive at all. imagine working all day and coming home to a guy sitting on the couch watching television all day. all you’ll end up with is a guy with a beer belly glued to the television with heart problems and high blood pressure.

on the other hand, if he’s really too busy to even look at you, then there’s a problem. being motivated and driven is an attractive factor, but as with everything in life, you need moderation. a guy who truly appreciates you will give you at least a second to glance at you regardless of how many conference calls, meetings, projects, and deadlines that fill up his calendar. if he’s too busy to forget that you even exist, do yourself a favor and find someone who understands work/life balance. it’s not fair to be the only understanding one. relationships are a two-way street. in addition, he’ll probably also develop heart problems and high blood pressure from all the stress, binge drinking, and sleep deprivation. either way you’ll end up a widow.

4. if he’s not attractive
attraction is definitely an important factor in the primaries of courting, however good looks will not feed your family, nor will it make up for all of the random narcissistic comments, fending off home wrecking btches, or the lack of intellectual conversation. dating an extraordinarily good looking guy is like having a chanel bag. it’s nice to look at, but at the end of the day there’s nothing in it. it’s just a goddamn bag. it’s better to have someone with personality than to have someone who makes up for the lack of with their handsome face. plus, the better looking they are the more likely they’ll pursue an unstable struggling future in entertainment as an actor, model, singer or the like.

there may be some lucky ones who have someone who possess all of the unreasonable requirements on their long check-list criteria. but everyone has flaws and no one is perfect. even without having this unreasonable check-list, it’s still hard finding someone who has the ability to form a deep enough connection to even consider spending the rest of your life with them.

so ladies, let’s be reasonable and stop being so uber picky and MAYBE, just maybe i’ll see a picture of your ring, wedding, baby pictures pop up on my facebook feed.

anyways, marriage limbo sucks and if you can relate to anything i just ranted about, you’re probably in it as well.

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break ups

you like them, love them, can’t live without them until the moment that comes unexpectedly. then you just straight up hate them. whether or not you’re the one to end it, break ups just suck.

when you’re the one to break the bad news
it’s hard trying to figure out the right time to bring up the conversation. honestly, it’s never a good time. it’s definitely relieving after you get it out, but then dealing with all the wrap up afterwards is a headache. especially if you left your toiletries, clothes, and other belongings at their apartment, and they left stuff at yours.

luckily for me, i don’t have to deal with crying btches or unknown pregnancies, so that leaves me with less headaches. but that doesn’t mean that i’m in the clear. the funny thing about break ups is that it can change the sweetest person to the most bitter and annoying asshole. all of a sudden their apartment becomes a maximum security prison and trying to get your stuff back is nearly impossible. on top of that, trying to convince them that it is indeed completely and absolutely over is another hurdle.

dude, i gave you so many warnings and signs that i’m over it, please, just leave me alone. i don’t need another missed call, voicemail, text message, kakao message, or facebook message telling me all these wonderful things i want to hear because simply if we do get back together, you’re just going to do the same sht all over again. if that’s not annoying enough, please hold my sht for ransom because i don’t want to have “that” conversation anymore. if i knew you were going to pull some sht like this, i would have never left my sht there in the first place.

if that’s not enough, i feel bad for any guy that comes right after him. “dear post break up guy, please note that you will be investigated for overlap.” god forbid you meet someone new a week later, it won’t matter. if you move on too quickly, it just simply means you cheated on him.

nonetheless, after it’s over, i yell “freedom!” while frolicing in the meadows under the warm sun (metaphorically speaking). peace out. finally, i don’t have to deal with this bullsht anymore.

when you’re the one to receive the bad news
they’ve already made up their mind and you just can’t do anything about it. you can beg and state convincing arguments as much as you want, but the fact is they just don’t want to be with you anymore. you just have to accept it and move on. it’s time to call up some friends, hit the club, get drunk, and come home and then repeat until it’s all out of your system.

every break up is different. sometimes i get caught up, sometimes i couldn’t give a sht about it, however, the way i feel afterwards doesn’t measure the feelings i had for them. i honestly don’t believe that love is measured by the amount of grief that you feel once it’s over. rather that it measures your level of dependency on that person. usually dependency results from relationships with multiple break ups because there’s always that hope of getting back together. as with the story of the boy who cried wolf, after the first 2-3 times, the next just seems like a fluke.

regardless of who broke up with who, i always suffer. the grief felt after a break up is just hard to deal with. especially when you spent the past 1+ years with that person you claimed to be in love with and then all of a sudden they’re out of your life.

the part that i hate the most is when you start getting flashbacks of all the memories you shared with that person. there’s no reminder of it’s onset. it’s like a random slap to the face at a random time of the day while you’re doing something completely random. then you start getting the “feels” as if someone just tore your heart out of your chest and took a bite out of it. it’s as if retrograde amnesia was triggered immediately after the break up and then all of a sudden, all the repressed memories begin to come back. i find it ironic how easy it is to remember all the bad when you’re together, and remember all the good after you break up.

losing someone who was once important in your life destroys you because you’ve lost a part of yourself. you don’t realize how grounded you felt with that person until they’re gone. all the memories you’ve shared, no matter how memorable or insignificant it was, start to mean a lot more than they really did. you can’t see them or hear their voice whenever you want. all that remains are old voicemails and pictures stored on your phone that you replay over and over again. you miss them so much that you wake up every day hoping that it was just a bad dream, only to realize that it isn’t. the reality is that they’re not in your life anymore and all you can do is just miss them.

the reality of the break up becomes imminent when they start calling you by your name and not “baby”. it’s probably one of the hardest moments to absorb. you can even notice the slight change in the tone of voice, as the warmth transforms into coldness. it’s the moment you’re no longer someone special in their life, but just another somebody that they used to know. the transformation of lover to stranger.

all of the inside jokes and laughter you shared are all gone. just like that. as if it never happened. as if you’re some crazy person who’s imagining that all these things happened between the two of you. it’s difficult trying to digest the harsh reality that it’s over, no matter how much you want to. you start to feel your heart sinking into your stomach while feeling a range of emotions crawling up your nerves, until you suddenly feel tears coming down your face, not knowing why you’re crying or what you’re feeling. you just feel miserable and lost without them. your whole world is shattered, leaving you feeling broken and vulnerable.

the harsh reality of knowing that you’ve just lost a partner, someone you did everything with. he was your eating buddy. sleeping buddy, tv buddy, your confidant, and your best friend. the moments where those simple things gave meaning to your mundane and routine 9 to 5 life are gone forever.


you don’t know when you’ll meet them, but eventually you’ll meet someone new, only to repeat this vicious cycle until you either die or get married. let’s just hope it’s the latter. regardless of which side you are on, life goes on with or without them. “sometimes you have to forget what’s gone, appreciate what still remains, and look forward to what’s coming next”, because life is too short to stay in a shtty relationship.

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the wonderful world of dating – part three

you think you finally met the perfect gentleman. but no, he’s just another thirsty man.

3. “i’m the smartest guy you will ever meet”

you think you have it all: a high paying career, very reputable alma mater, and the height of 6 rulers (or at least close to it). you may not even possess all of the said qualities, maybe just one or a good looking face, but for some reason you think you’re entitled to all the pssy in the world. well, i’m sorry to break it to you, but you need get over yourself.

after a meeting a guy, the end result will go in 1 of 3 ways: friend, relationship, or stranger. “friend” is just a genuinely nice guy who likes to meet new people regardless of intent. “relationship” is always the mystery man hidden among the many “friends” and “strangers”. and “stranger” is the one you wish you never met.

the men who fall into the “stranger” category are the type of guys who are nice to you up until the point you reject them. you better watch out because if you don’t put out, you just committed a hate crime. the act of respecting yourself will disgust them to the point where they just can’t bear to make eye contact and does everything and anything necessary to get you out of their presence.


the most common “smartest dumb” questions this genius will ask:

“what’s the real reason why you won’t sleep with me?”
seriously, do you really expect me to answer this question? would you allow me to submit the answer double-spaced, times new roman, size 12 font?
unlike yourself, i don’t have ulterior motives or a significant other i forgot to mention. the reason i won’t fck you is because my level of respect for you is still in the negatives. as guided by the rules of amusement parks, your respect level is not high enough to ride this ride. and plus, if you have to ask, obviously you’re doing something wrong.

“i just want to put it in once.”
seriously, does someone actually fall for this? because every time i hear this line, i can’t help but feel that my intelligence is being insulted. so you’ve been trying for the past 15 minutes to try to fck me but you’re only going to put it in once and then pull out? yeah, okay. nice try.

so mr. big shot, it seems that even after the x amount of years of being alive, you still haven’t grasped the concept of the word “no”. just in case you didn’t know, it does not mean “please force your hands down my pants”, “please try to take off my bra”, “please try to dry hump my leg”, or “please show me your penis”. now that you’ve been taught the formal meaning of “no”, let me also provide you with a supplemental lesson on the meaning of borderline rape.

since your attempts were unsuccessful, why do you go ahead and attempt to attack me emotionally because that’s definitely going to work. for instance, you can proceed by calling women needy and insecure? then continue to assume that the only reason why i won’t have sex with you is because i’m afraid of being too easy? well now, isn’t that the icing on the cake? it can’t possibly be because i’m not attracted to you.

i honestly did not know that going out for drinks or dinner was an unspoken agreement for the exchange of sex. because the amount of shock and betrayal exhibited on their face indicates that i had clearly violated my end of the deal.

“out of sight, out of mind” does not work with your misogynistic attitude. learn how to man the fck up and stop being little btch because you finally met a girl who won’t fall for your bullsht.

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the wonderful world of dating – part two

being an girl is tough. being a korean girl is tougher.

2. “i love kimchi!”

i hate when guys use the culture card. it’s as if we’re playing pictionary and he’s guessing the first few words that come to his mind when the word “korea” pops up. dude, you’re just scaring me. stop.

let’s start with the word “kimchi”.
i don’t know why people think it’s a big deal that they can eat it. cause it’s really not. it’s a dish of spicy fermented vegetables. a fcking side dish. it’s just there on the table, like salt and pepper.

if it’s not kimchi, honorary mention goes to bibimbap/soondubu/galbi.
“i’ll take you to koreatown to get some *insert random korean dish*”
btch please. i rather go by myself. and plus, i like pizza.
it’s almost as if they’re expecting me to award them with an entry to a massage parlor with happy endings just because they can eat korean food.

to make matters worse, he’ll bust out some random words.
“ahnyoung!” “saranghae” “nuh yaebbo”
first off, be respectful and add “-hasaeyo/-yo”.
secondly, you think you’re cute, huh?
it’s as cute as a 300 pd woman wearing a bikini. please stop.
it’s also quite obvious that your hearing is impaired because you can’t hear that i’ve been speaking english this whole time.

a conversation with the kimchi loving, butchered korean speaking man would usually begin with the following dialogue:

“where are you from?”
new york

“no, i mean where are your parents from?”
new jersey

“no, i mean country.”
…usa

it’s as if being american is not good enough that i have to belong to another country. if you must insist, i’m korean american, but why does that matter?

is it because you’d like to make the conversation interesting and ask me if i’m from the north or south? why don’t you make it even more interesting and ask me if korean men are abusive?

instead why don’t you please go ahead and ask me the ultimate question:
“is it true that asian girls are kinky?”
every time i hear this question, the feeling i get is equivalent to walking into a room while an old man is fondling a child. you’re just left speechless in disgust while standing there in shock trying to understand what is happening in front of your very eyes.

moral of the post is that when people resort to stereotypes it’s fcking condescending and violating. be yourself and keep the cultural comments to yourself.

to my kimchi loving, butchered korean speaking man, please do me a favor and stay away from me because i don’t need a green card and most importantly i ain’t got time for that.

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the wonderful world of dating – part one

the dating world is a scary place not because of the process, but because of the people.

1. “i like to have conversations with myself”

you go out, meet new people, exchange numbers, friend-zone the poor dude, and repeat. nothing scary about that until you come across one of those men who just don’t get it. and by “it” i mean the ones who like to have conversations with themselves after you tell them “hey dude, i’m not interested, please leave me alone”. i’m not even being nice at this point.

these creepy crawlers are everywhere. if you don’t give them your number, they’ll find you on facebook, if you’re not on facebook, they’ll find you on instagram. sometimes you don’t even have to ever meet them in person, cause they’ll just find you.

the worst part of the whole ordeal is that you’re deceived into the conversation thinking it’s a harmless “hi”, lowering your guard to the disaster that is to come. it’s as if the weather report indicated clear skies and sunshine, but instead stepping outside your apartment to a dark and stormy hurricane and then getting slapped in the face by a tree branch.
like what the fck?

you can’t even block them because you’re not friends with them in the first place. and even when you can block them, it’s just a nuisance having to go out of your way because this one guy just doesn’t get the message even after spelling it out.

when someone isn’t interested, just let it go. that “persistence leads to success” need not apply here. please apply it to your career.

if i don’t answer you after 4 questions in a row, please take the hint that i’m ignoring you on purpose. that does not mean “please send me a 6 page text message about your life story” or “please continue your creepy ass conversation”. if you were the last man on earth, i will fck all the animals before i even consider talking to you again, yet you still don’t get it and continue to message me.


these are real consecutive messages from the same person and i have never replied once.

 

“How bout we do that thing you were too busy to do on Valentine’s Day? Spring is in the air and you know, time for rebirth and new things in life.”

ignore.

“fast forward a few months and say that after we met and liked each other and things fell into place.. would we get a puppy or a kitten?”

creepy. ignore.

“I need more interaction from you”

oh really? because i need less from you. ignore.

“I wanna know what you like and find out what we have in common and where I should take you on vacations and stuff like that”

this is how people get murdered by serial killers. ignore.

“I dreamt of a Korean girl last night. She was very purrty and seemed kinda sweet, she said she was in love with me. Reminded me of you, was it you?”

definitely not me. ignore.

“why do you have to make my life so difficult. you know you’re curious as to who I am and you really wanna meet me but are afraid of something… what are u afraid of?”

i’m really not. ignore.

“Hey Nadia, do you know where one can get the most tasty bibimbop in the city?”

after all of your creepy messages, even this message sounds creepy. ignore.

dating sucks.

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