“marriage limbo” is what i define as the point in your life when you come of age (25+) where if you’re single, your parents start asking why you’re not dating anyone; if you’re in a relationship, your parents start insisting that you think about marriage; or if luckily your parents haven’t expressed any interest in your love life, no need to fear facebook is here.
you can identify the onset of the “marriage limbo” period when every other day your facebook feed is flooded by:
1. “x and y is engaged/married” followed by a picture of a proposal/ring;
2. pictures of x and y‘s wedding;
3. preggo related posts (composed of either an individual or combination of pictures, subtle/not-so-subtle hints, etc.);
4. pictures of babies/toddlers/kids;
5. and/or all of the above
i’m truly happy for all of you, i really am, and i am so eager to find out who’s next in line. but on the other hand, you’ve just triggered the gun to start the race: the race to an abrupt realization of the reality of how fast time flies between the time you graduate college and the time you reach “marriage limbo”.
it’s so fast that it’s almost unfair.
after years of grueling through college courses followed by a few more years crawling over the barbed wires of the entry-level career fence, all of a sudden, within a blink of an eye, you’ll wake up only to realize that tomorrow is your 40th birthday paired with the onset of a crippling fear that you might end up dying alone.
let’s just add that living in nyc isn’t cheap, so it’s pretty much given that a majority of us work long gruesome hours to pay the bills. but somewhere in our busy lives, we’ll have to eventually learn how to make room to become the “early bird that gets the worm” before all the good ones are taken. this societal pressure will force us to begin our quest on finding this person called “husband/wife” to spend the rest of our lives with. as you can infer from my previous posts, the dating world is a motherfcking war zone. it’s all one fcked up game and “marriage limbo” is that one level you’re stuck on.
like a majority of my girlfriends, some people try to gamble away their odds by waiting for someone better. in the female perspective, some believe that they can do better, that they deserve better, and that this guy is just not up to par. in the male perspective, some try to gamble away their odds for some girl 15-20 years their junior because they fail to comprehend a healthy work/life balance. unfortunately this will lead them to settle down with a leeching golddigger, and/or an emotionally unstable/crazy btch. but hey, they’re nice to look at.
what i tell my girlfriends all the time is that this whole “i can do better” concept is equivalent to buying a popular video game. you failed to reserve your spot with your number one pick, you’ve now limited your options to either a used version, or one of those games on the bottom shelf at gamestop with those generic covers with the game title written in black sharpie next to buck the gamestop bunny.
fortunately for me, i’ve just set my foot into “marriage limbo” territory (as you can see from my awesome illustration above), thus i’m not too concerned at this very moment. however, most of my closest girlfriends are older than i am and every time we get to the topic of relationships and marriage they get into this “i’m going to die alone” panic mode or go into major depression. as a good girlfriend should do, i try to diffuse the situation by trying to listen and analyze their problems and process some sort of helpful advice that they never listen to.
in my honest opinion, i think that they’re beautiful, and not in the same way you advertise your not-so-cute friend is cute type of way. they’re successful or have a steady career, dress well, not sinking in surmountable debt, and aren’t having any immigration issues. so, why are they having a hard time getting married? well, from the way i look at it, it always leads to one conclusion: their standards are too damn high.
one of my girlfriend’s stated that her requirements for the perfect husband would be a 6 foot+, good looking, successful, rich, smart, well-dressed, cultured guy who is a master conversationalist with a phone call/text response rate of .001 seconds who lives in a multi-million dollar penthouse in manhattan and has the time to take her to all of the bourgeoisie restaurants all over manhattan. i’ve heard this outstanding requirement many times from many women and every time i hear that sht, i just sit there speechless like they’ve just threw a glass of ice water in my face. i just want to tell you that you’ve been watching way to many korean dramas. here, have some coffee and wake the fck up.
i’m not telling them to lower their self-worth, and by no means i’m not telling them to settle. it’s very important to maintain confidence and place a high value on your self-worth, however there’s a fine line between compromise and being utterly unreasonable.
1. if he’s not “rich” enough
the reality of a modern marriage is that a majority of households nowadays consist of two incomes. the fantasy life we imagined of living as a princess/housewife in a huge mansion is merely just either a rare occurrence or just a delusion created by bravo tv or the sorts. so if he can’t pull his own weight, then pull your own. motivate yourself to become successful and make more money rather than to look for a lottery ticket. there’s nothing less attractive than a lazy btch.
2. if he’s not tall enough
if he meets all the other criteria besides height, then i honestly can’t help you. i’m sure plastic surgery will advance one day to offer height extension, but until then, just throw on some flats. look at it this way, heels are uncomfortable anyways and plus just imagine that you’re a model and likewise he can feel like he’s dating one. double confidence boost, ftw.
3. if he’s too busy
this can go two ways. you want a successful guy who makes a lot of money, no? well, unless you’re dating a lazy heir to some fortune, there is no success without work. find some friends or find a hobby. i’ve dated different types of men and in my opinion, a lazy guy who’s around all the time isn’t attractive at all. imagine working all day and coming home to a guy sitting on the couch watching television all day. all you’ll end up with is a guy with a beer belly glued to the television with heart problems and high blood pressure.
on the other hand, if he’s really too busy to even look at you, then there’s a problem. being motivated and driven is an attractive factor, but as with everything in life, you need moderation. a guy who truly appreciates you will give you at least a second to glance at you regardless of how many conference calls, meetings, projects, and deadlines that fill up his calendar. if he’s too busy to forget that you even exist, do yourself a favor and find someone who understands work/life balance. it’s not fair to be the only understanding one. relationships are a two-way street. in addition, he’ll probably also develop heart problems and high blood pressure from all the stress, binge drinking, and sleep deprivation. either way you’ll end up a widow.
4. if he’s not attractive
attraction is definitely an important factor in the primaries of courting, however good looks will not feed your family, nor will it make up for all of the random narcissistic comments, fending off home wrecking btches, or the lack of intellectual conversation. dating an extraordinarily good looking guy is like having a chanel bag. it’s nice to look at, but at the end of the day there’s nothing in it. it’s just a goddamn bag. it’s better to have someone with personality than to have someone who makes up for the lack of with their handsome face. plus, the better looking they are the more likely they’ll pursue an unstable struggling future in entertainment as an actor, model, singer or the like.
there may be some lucky ones who have someone who possess all of the unreasonable requirements on their long check-list criteria. but everyone has flaws and no one is perfect. even without having this unreasonable check-list, it’s still hard finding someone who has the ability to form a deep enough connection to even consider spending the rest of your life with them.
so ladies, let’s be reasonable and stop being so uber picky and MAYBE, just maybe i’ll see a picture of your ring, wedding, baby pictures pop up on my facebook feed.
anyways, marriage limbo sucks and if you can relate to anything i just ranted about, you’re probably in it as well.